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And it’s just hilarious because you’re on the road, you’re doing your thing, and oh my God, now I have to worry about getting laid, too? But last week, I had my first booty call in, like, four years. You know how bouncers are always black because people are afraid of them? I mean, there is nobody who has a legitimate complaint with Jeff Foxworthy. LL: Exactly, and Larry the Cable Guy, they’re all just great guys. Dude, Courtney Love and Andy Dick, they misbehaved so much that it was on CNN and Access Hollywood.
So, thank God that the only thing that’s bugging me is people on airplanes. I don’t make fun of blacks because I bang blacks; I bang blacks because they’re hot and sexy. BE: I liked the line (on the album) about the refrigerator (“Remember the good old days, when a black guy would bang a refrigerator if it was white? Now I have to get more famous to get a good looking black. The problem was, I didn’t get no sleep, not because we were banging the whole time, but because my purse was in the same room. So I just hid it under the couch, with a bunch of laundry and his work boots on top of it, and thought, He’ll never find it. BE: I had never heard your name before, and then I saw you lay that entire Blue Collar group to complete waste. BE: I had a couple questions about the roasts in general, but also about that roast in particular. How many people have you run into that have said the same thing that I just did? (The gig) got me known where my manager would get calls – “We want Lisa Lampanelli to do this little bit part and that” – and Larry the Cable Guy just put me in his movie, which comes out in 2006.
I’m going broke from buying all the porn off the TV. This is so much better than being in an office doing a job that I hate. I did the office thing for about 10 years, and now I do this from home. BE: Yeah, I actually get to see my wife every once in a while. I was going to ask if you actually had a black boyfriend. I mean, if I have to bang every type of group that I make fun of, my vagina would just fall off, okay? LL: Oh, it’s so true, because years ago, that’s what I could get. And it’s not that we’re in this for the money, but when people come to the clubs, it helps when they give you more dough.
BE: A few months back I did an email interview with Larry the Cable Guy. LL: You know, I can’t believe he has indoor plumbing, much less a computer. There’s something really sexy about a guy who can’t spell his own name. And she’s like, “No, no, no: Mom.” So they had to age me to be 65 years old, it was really cool. BE: I talked to Dane (Cook) about the roasts, and I wanted to get a second opinion on this.
I don’t know if I’m gonna be able to do my act tonight. BE: The rule for the writers is “aggressively PG-13.” LL: Okay, we’ll be as aggressive and as PG as we can. I talked to Dane Cook, and he’s pretty liberal with the “motherfuckers,” so… But this Pam Anderson (roast) made it a million times better, because of all those celebs like Courtney Love made idiots out of themselves. I’m like, bring it on, drink some more, Courtney, you old whore.
But the way to do a booty call, I learned from my gay friend Wendel, is you pick the stupidest, hottest guy, and you never give him your phone number, because you don’t want him to call you back. And because none of us (roasting Foxworthy) meant anything that we said, it came off so much funnier. You know, “wow, she’s the only girl and she did so good,” this and that. So everybody wanted to watch it, and because of (Love and Dick) being idiots, people got to know who I was.